Love

Why is it so hard to accept one of the things that people crave the most?

For most of my life I have been told how bad I am as a person. People in my life have always been quick to point out my faults and very rarely my attributes. This has left me believing that I am unworthy of love and completely unable to accept it. 

Over the past few months I have been dating a truly incredible man. Although he isn't one for confessing emotion and in fact told me that he doesn't believe that love exists, he recently told me that he loved me and believed me when I told him that I love him. When we first started dating, he told me that I simply had to accept when he told me how beautiful I was and not argue with him on that. It is hard, but I try to believe him and accept the adoration. I have never felt this way about anyone and it is terrifying and exhilerating. He makes me feel like a princess and worthy of being loved. I don't know how to accept that I am indeed worthy of being loved.

I want nothing more than to be with him, make him happy, cherish and adore him the way that he does me, but if I am not able to receive and accept it how can I give it?  Wouldn't it be better to protect him than to not be able to give him what he deserves? I would rather die than hurt him.

End of an era

I have had a friend for several years.  We have shared a lot, we have gone through a lot together, we have talked about a multitude of subjects.  I knew that they were going to be moving soon, but I wasn't told when.  I tried to get together with them tonight and I got a text back saying that they no longer live in Lynchburg anymore. I shouldn't be upset but I really am.  We were friends but although we had gone through a lot together we didn't see or even talk on a very regular basis. 

It is not very likely that we will continue our friendship now that they have moved and I am saddened by that.  I have had a lot friends that I have lost connection with over time due to me moving or them moving.  I knew this one wouldn't last but I didn't think it would end so abruptly. 

The end of an era indeed.  Eventually, when I dry my tears I will be able to look at all the things that this particular friendship has given me and be able to see the beauty of it, but for now it is tears and pain.

Happiness

Is it truly attainable? What does it look like?

The dictionary defines happiness as:

1.the quality or state of being happy.

2.good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

Synonyms include pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction.  

 

Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity  imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness  results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss  is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment  is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity  is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.

 

According to this definition happiness is attained in relationship,  So what if you don't have the blessing of relationship and companionship? How do you attain happiness then? 

 

I recently had a friend wish me happiness.  They said that they wanted happiness in my life whether they were able to bring me happiness or if I attained it somewhere else.  They weren't offering me a relationship in the romantic sense of the word just a friend being a friend.  However, this statement brought tears to my eyes and I have been mulling over this idea ever since that conversation.  Some thoughts have been what is this HAPPINESS one speaks of? Can I actually reach it? Am I worthy of this ideal? If the answer is yes then how do I get there?  

 

Let me know your thoughts.  What does happiness look like to you? What makes you happy? I don't mean like gooey chocolate or heavenly ice cream happy I mean life altering happiness.  Joy, bliss, contentedness. Happiness that is not diminished by circumstances.

Solitude

Some people love to be alone.  Some people cherish solitude.  They use it to listen to music, read a book, work on their hobby or do something they have been meaning to do for a while.  Peace and quiet is what they call it.

For me it is painful, excruciating.  Sure being busy can be exhausting and can keep you from doing other things.  However, for me being alone is a painful reminder of just how alone I am. I am blessed with a beautiful princess who showers me with love.  I have friends and so called friends who I can spend time with and hang out.

Being with someone can be as simple as just sharing space together.  You don't have to talk or BE together you can just be in the same room together, occupy the same space.  The occasional glance or gentle touch can be a powerful reminder that you are not alone.

Being alone is a painful reminder that at the end of the day I am alone, unloved and unwanted.

Oh, to be truly loved again!

Welcome

So I have started a blog! Now what?!?

I have dreams of posting daily the most inspirational and thought provoking posts you have ever read. Dreams of hilarious stories from the life of my precious munchkin. Dreams of posting life altering tips and strategies, recipes that will entice your taste buds. However, being the practical person that I am I will likely not take the time to make this the most tantalizing blog ever to be created.

I am a single mom with a five year old angel (most days), a full-time job, trying to find God's direction and presence in my life, helping a friend with his photography business. Need I say more?!? If there is something you would like to hear about let me know!